I reviewed your paper and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
Hello, this is Eddy from the other Eng 101 class and this is my review of you're essay.
A.) The introduction does not have a clear cut thesis because you jumped right into the facts men and women in the army. There isn’t enough engaging information to keep a reader interested in reading it. There are a lot of grammar mistakes that should be taking care of before the final post is due. The information given sort of gave me of an idea of the type of picture you were looking at but it seems like there was a lot going on in the picture.
B.) The body paragraph should just talk about the photo without going into detail about the male and female face structure. You should also explain what else was in the photo beside the person. Was there anything in the background? Were there any captions or words in the photo? Things that would completely prove you’re argument.
C.) The conclusion is very short and includes another fact that has nothing to do with the photo. You want to have a conclusion that completes you’re essay while making the reader believe that they know what gender the person is in the picture is.
D.) You did a good job explaining the gender of the person inside the photo and I got a good sense of the gender. The final draft should look a lot different from this draft. Check your grammar and indent you’re paragraphs. The introduction should have a better and clear thesis. The body should talk more about the picture without going off topic and add a couple more sentences about the picture. Finally, the conclusion should be completely re-done without any new information or facts.
Miss b , there was something wrong when I past my draft #1 from Microsoft word to google docs....a lot of part are missing like the introduccion ..few sentencences in the body and my conclusion. i just wanna to let you know...because i dont want you think that I write like that... i was just careless ..because i didnt double check it.
Please make sure that your draft follows the format outline in the assignment. Also, is your paper 600 words?
ReplyDeletePlease follow the format I outlined in the assignment.
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1nrDQ1k49yNexGtHQ2u_26hXafmrDN7O6oIC7OYrqzTw/edit?hl=en&authkey=CJGGq84P#
ReplyDeleteI reviewed your paper and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
ReplyDeleteHello, this is Eddy from the other Eng 101 class and this is my review of you're essay.
ReplyDeleteA.) The introduction does not have a clear cut thesis because you jumped right into the facts men and women in the army. There isn’t enough engaging information to keep a reader interested in reading it. There are a lot of grammar mistakes that should be taking care of before the final post is due. The information given sort of gave me of an idea of the type of picture you were looking at but it seems like there was a lot going on in the picture.
B.) The body paragraph should just talk about the photo without going into detail about the male and female face structure. You should also explain what else was in the photo beside the person. Was there anything in the background? Were there any captions or words in the photo? Things that would completely prove you’re argument.
C.) The conclusion is very short and includes another fact that has nothing to do with the photo. You want to have a conclusion that completes you’re essay while making the reader believe that they know what gender the person is in the picture is.
D.) You did a good job explaining the gender of the person inside the photo and I got a good sense of the gender. The final draft should look a lot different from this draft. Check your grammar and indent you’re paragraphs. The introduction should have a better and clear thesis. The body should talk more about the picture without going off topic and add a couple more sentences about the picture. Finally, the conclusion should be completely re-done without any new information or facts.
Miss b , there was something wrong when I past my draft #1 from Microsoft word to google docs....a lot of part are missing like the introduccion ..few sentencences in the body and my conclusion. i just wanna to let you know...because i dont want you think that I write like that... i was just careless ..because i didnt double check it.
ReplyDelete